1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
February 17, 2006
Let me put it simply: this book is so dreadful that every copy needs consigned to the bottom of the sea where only real mermaids might be able to read it. There's nothing to recommend this book from the laughably awkward dialogue to the nonsensical narration, to the choppy sentences, to the complete misuse of dialogue tags. This is an amateur effort that makes no sense, has no interesting or compelling characters, and is completely disgusting.
I always hate to rail about filth in books because it makes me feel like an old prude (I'm not old at least), but talk of a five-year-old's "pee-pee" as mermaids sexually abuse the young Jacob Koleman and later the father-son-mermaid incestual threesome warrant the tag of disgusting filth.
As mentioned before, the dialogue is laughably awkward. None of these characters ever utters a line that sounds even remotely like something that would come from a human being. Nor are these terrible lines arranged in any way that could be misconstrued as a conversation. Basically everyone spouts random nonsense.
I might be able to describe the plot for you if any of it made any sense. From what I gather, Jacob is abused by mermaids early on and has a lifelong fixation. Eventually after his divorce he ends up meeting a mermaid who is trying to reproduce. There's a lot of talk about menopause, Marilyn Monroe, and Disney that doesn't add up to anything.
The writing doesn't help make the plot any clearer; if anything the writing makes the plot LESS understandable. The author uses lots of choppy sentences mixed with odd metaphors and cliches that gives the whole thing an ADHD feeling. Maybe there's an interesting story in here, but I haven't found it.
The characters are all so bizarre (and speak so poorly) that none comes close to seeming like a real human being. At least the mermaid has an excuse. Some like the agent's secretary and the crisis counselor are so bizarre they seem more like aliens from another world than real people.
Anyone who likes the book might try to call it whimsical or fun, but it's just bad. Not even bad in a campy B-movie way, just BAD as in terrible, horrible, dreadful. This makes my Top 5 for worst books I've ever read. Highly recommended you stay away from this garbage, considering there are so many more worthwhile entertainments out there. Find one and don't look back.